A Formal Complaint Against Adulthood

I would like to formally submit my resignation from adulthood. Unfortunately, after reviewing my finances, I have discovered that I cannot afford to quit. Alas, I have several concerns.

First, why do we have to decide what's for dinner every single day? I distinctly remember eating whatever appeared in front of me as a child. Shout out Mom. Now, not only must I decide what to eat, but I also have to purchase it, prepare it, and somehow know what sounds good three days from now.

Second, laundry. There is simply too much of it. I put clothes in the wash, and somehow there are immediately more clothes. Towels? Back again. Sheets? Somehow dirty after one week. Sweatshirts? Why do I own thirty of them?

Third, appointments. I miss when adults made my appointments. Now I have to call people during business hours and say things like, "Hi, yes, I'd like to schedule my annual checkup," as though I have my life together.

In conclusion, I believe adulthood is poorly designed and could benefit from the following software updates:

• Less laundry

• A personal chef

• One universal password

• Somebody else making my appointments

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing absolutely nothing back because apparently I am the boss.